The Paradox of a Successful Forgiveness Diary
The whole idea of keeping a forgiveness diary to share on this site has worked out differently than I imagined. Despite the lack of forgiveness diary posts making it onto this website, I can nonetheless say that the forgiveness diary idea has so far been a success for me. I’ve started to write several forgiveness diary posts over the past several months only to abandon them. And the reason I abandoned them is because once forgiven I lost interest in the grievances those posts represented; it is almost like the grievances never existed to begin with–due to them losing their emotional clutch on me. Even when I’ve tried to write about the slow burn forgiveness lessons in my life that show no signs of being resolved anytime soon, they too have started to dissolve into a mist of irrelevance when articulated in writing. For instance, there is a certain very “special” young recurring nebulous female character who popped up in my dream at around the same time that I finished the workbook of A Course in Miracles. She is like the partial differential equations of forgiveness for me; she gets my unconscious guilt churning like no one else. But I can’t even write a post about my forgiveness lessons involving her without finding a satisfying sense of indifference that makes me lose interest in writing. The act of writing about grievances starts the forgiveness process rolling in my mind in a way that stops me in my tracks, which results in a weakened (if not fully healed) grievance… and an incomplete forgiveness diary entry. And it works for old grievances too. Of course, I could force myself to keep going with an entry and post it anyway, but once the desire to make a grievance real is gone, so is my desire to give it a reality in writing.
Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of things that pop up all the time that represent the unforgivenesses in my mind that linger with me and cause me grief due to delayed forgiveness, but writing helps speed up the forgiveness to a point where I no longer care about making the grievance real. Therefore, I highly recommend that people start a personal forgiveness diary. All you need to do is keep writing until you lose interest in your grievance due to forgiving it. Just think about your grievance and what it represents in the big picture: the seeming separation from God/Oneness. The success of your diary can be an indication of your progress in mastering the art of forgiveness.
I think I’ll have better luck writing a diary about identifying and correcting wrong thinking rather than simply forgiving personal grievances. I think I can avoid coming to a paradox doing that. So, that is probably what I’ll focus on. But really, the best thing to focus on is my next book. I don’t know how long it will take to finish that; it depends on how many distractions arise. It is a slow go so far. I’m going to try to get it finished and out sometime in or by 2014 though.
Also, a Kindle ebook version of The Universe Is a Dream is available at Amazon US and Amazon UK. The ebook breaks the book down into individual comic panels, therefore it can be read on small devices like an iphone or small Kindle.
Keep on forgiving!